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A Cool Hand

Averting Violence with De-Escalation.

Disagreement among colleagues. Emotional woman and man fight dark background. Professional or personal conflict. Conflict resolution and professionalism in workplace. Poor business communication.

This article is based on the Safety Member Certification training module “Deescalating Disruptive Persons.” the Church Security Guide article “Mastering Verbal De-escalation for Peaceful Resolutions,” and the Expert Resources article “Compassionate Church Security: Adapting Skills for Faith-Based Environments – A Guide for Experienced Professionals.”[1][2][3][4][5]

From the Bible –

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient (2 Timothy 2:24).

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

Introduction –

Trouble is brewing. Tensions are tightening. It’s heating up. What we need in the situation is someone with a cool hand.

This is the role of Verbal De-Escalation: to cool heated tempers and maintain or restore peace.

In the News –

Smith County, Texas, September 13, 2015 – It was after church and members had a musicians’ appreciation event in the fellowship hall. A mentally ill felon dressed in camouflage cap and trousers, a black tee shirt, and a tactical vest parked his car, came to the side door, and asked a deacon if he could see the pastor for prayer. He was led to a conference room and the pastor came in to talk with him.

The pastor had been trained in de-escalation when he was a corrections officer, and at the time of this encounter he was working a weekday job as a school counselor. He knew right away something was off. He greeted the man in a calm, friendly manner. Suspecting a firearm, he guided the visitor to a chair, saw indications of a handgun, and offered a glass of water. The visitor claimed to be a Muslim with the right to kill Christians and Jews.

The pastor said he was going to see that his kids were OK, stepped into the hall, and closed the door behind him. He whispered to his wife and a deacon to get everyone out. He himself left with them. The visitor was later arrested and charged as a felon in possession of a firearm.[6]

North Palm Beach, Florida, March 17, 2020 – A man who disrupted a church service and had been made to leave came back. He was even more agitated, getting into members’ faces. When police arrived, he ignored their commands and became worse. Police had to take him down physically and arrested him. Church members had tried to calm him, but he was too far gone.[7]

Haymarket, Virginia, September 23, 2023 – The 10:00 a.m. church service had just started when a man entered who was dressed in black and wore sunglasses. A safety team member went backstage and told the pastor. No one in the church was wearing sunglasses, because it was raining.

The pastor and the safety team were suspicious, and the visitor was shadowed. When he left the sanctuary, a safety team member confronted him. Police had already been called, and about that time they arrived. It turned out the man was being tracked by law enforcement because of his social media posts threatening churches. This included a “kill manifesto.” He had guns and knives. The safety team kept him engaged until the police entered.[8]

Sana Ana, California, March 15, 2025 – A San Francisco pastor was preaching on the street in Santa Ana when he was approached by an aggressive activist who was offended by his message. The pastor maintained calmness and composure, even when the activist pulled out what appeared to be a gun and pointed it at his head. He also retained his composure when confronted by another hostile activist.[9]

A Tempered Temperament -

In Galatians 5:22-23, the Apostle Paul lists “temperance” (self-control) as a characteristic of the Fruit of the Spirit. Temperance is named in two other places (Titus 1:8; 2:2). In two places (1 Cor. 9:25; 12:24; 2 Pet. 1:6) Christian leaders are to be temperate (self-controlled). When Paul preached to the governor and King Agrippa, he included self-control (Acts 24:25). Paul also pairs this quality with being sound-minded, sober, and sane, especially in bishops, elders, and deacons.

It follows that Safety Team members need to be self-controlled, even when their natural temperament is otherwise. This is especially important when dealing with disruptive people. We want to tone down a situation to keep it from exploding, and controlling ourselves is the first step in controlling the situation.

In his epistle, James stresses control of our speech: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19). In verbal de-escalation, this is self-control that really counts (more on this below). In his letters to Timothy and Titus, Paul brings up control of our anger with these terms:

Intermediate Objectives –

We all know that the primary objective of verbal de-escalation is to end the situation peaceably. The intermediate objectives are factors in achieving the primary objective. In the training module and the Church Security Guide article, these are listed as the Goals of De-escalation:

Knowing When De-Escalation Is Needed -

The two kinds of ready are being enabled to act and knowing when to act. Someone was asked why he was on the spot immediately in a situation. He answered, “I saw it coming.”

For de-escalation, we need to know

  1. Why a person might become disruptive
  2. Who might become disruptive
  3. The warning signs of impending disruption

In some of the national news stories about disruptive incidents at religious institutions, the antagonists are non-members of the targeted institution or congregation. In most cases, the disrupter has some connection to the church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or school. This is a concerning view for us in church safety & security, that the threat is more likely from within our circle. However, the good part of this is that it is close enough for us to see. It is an opportunity for us to discern and address the underlying situations and to help the persons involved.

Reasons for Disruption:

For most disrupters, what drives them is a personal crisis. The Security Guide article lists four categories of crises:

To these we can add legal issues (such as being sued, or being investigated or charged with a crime) and safety concerns (such as local crime, safety at work, etc.).

Knowing Possible Disruptors:

Solomon wrote, “Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds” (Proverbs 27:23). Leaders in the church should know the members of the church community (church members, steady or frequent attenders, occasional attenders, and members of their families) and their concerns, including situations that can lead to a personal crisis.

This is where threat assessment comes into play. A group of church leaders and the Safety Director confidentially discuss situations in the church community. The Threat Assessment Team considers indicators that a person may become a violent disrupter. These indications should be discussed confidentially so they do not feed gossip:

This is both a threat assessment and an exploration of opportunities to serve: “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). If this committee sees a threat developing, they can prepare to watch for the threat, and hopefully reduce it.

Seeing the Signs:

Not everyone with a personal crisis is about to become disruptive and maybe violent, but there are visual and behavioral signs that this may be developing. According to the Canadian equivalent of our OSHA, the physical warning signs are:

There are others signs better related to a workplace, but those listed here can be observed in someone at church.[10]

The Art of Verbal De-Escalation –

Some people are natural verbal de-escalators, but many of us can learn it as a skill. It begins with how you approach the person of concern.

Suppose you saw John Smith having a disagreement with Joe Brown. Joe leaves, and John stands there visibly stewing, muttering to himself. You want to help John cool down.

Play it safe. Have another team member as backup. The backup stands quietly to one side and not as close. We do not want John to think we’re ganging up on him.

Begin with a question, such as, “How are you?” or “Can I help you?” The point is to get John to start talking, then keep him talking. If he gets off on another subject, that’s OK. He’s losing some of the steam. This is de-escalation, not an interrogation. Play along with it. If you can, gently get him to sit down. Don’t make him sit – just let him sit.

You can follow up by getting help for him from pastors or counselors.

Training to De-Escalate –

Sheepdog Church Security has a number of resources to train Safety Team members in verbal de-escalation.

Training Course:

“Deescalating Disruptive Persons” is the third of eight training modules (classes) in Sheepdog Church Security’s Safety Member Certification course:

  1. Safety Team Fundamentals
  2. Active Shooter Response
  3. Deescalating Disruptive Persons
  4. Protecting Children from Abuse
  5. Basic Use of Force Laws
  6. Arson and Fire Safety
  7. Storms and Disasters
  8. Mass Trauma Emergencies

A student passing all eight classes qualifies to be a Certified Safety Member. These are online classes, making it possible for persons with any work schedule to take the course.[1]

Church Security Guide:

Of the eight articles in the Church Security Guide, seven, including “Mastering Verbal De-escalation for Peaceful Resolutions,” cover the subjects of training modules. These articles can be considered overviews of the topics. They can be used to prepare for a class or to review or refresh the subject.[2][3]

Expert Resources:

Intended primarily for safety leaders, Expert Resources articles will inform Safety Team members as well as other members of the church about the safety ministry. They will add depth and breadth to your training. “Compassionate Church Security: Adapting Skills for Faith-Based Environments – A Guide for Experienced Professionals” does help the reader to understand the role of verbal de-escalation.[4][5]

Free Download –

We have a free download for you: De-escalation Techniques Guide:

Learn effective de-escalation techniques to manage tense situations in your church. Download this free guide to build calm, confident, and compassionate conflict resolution skills.

Click *HERE* to get this helpful resource.[12]

Conclusion –

Learn and practice verbal de-escalation to defuse and cool off potentially violent disruptions.

References –

  1. Kris Moloney, “Deescalating Disruptive Persons,” Safety Member Certification, Sheepdog Church Security, © 2018 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/].
  2. Kris Moloney, Church Security Guide, The Sheepdog Sentinel, Sheepdog Church Security Academy, 2023-2024 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?]; and Sheepdog Church Security, 2018 [https://sheepdogchurchsecurity.net/church-security-guide/].
  3. Kris Moloney, “Mastering Verbal De-escalation for Peaceful Resolutions,” Church Security Guide, The Sheepdog Sentinel, Sheepdog Church Security Academy, Posted February 13, 2024 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?p=mastering-verbal-de-escalation-for-peaceful-resolutions]; and “Disruptive Individuals: How to De-escalate the Situation,” Church Security Guide, Sheepdog Church Security, © 2018 [https://sheepdogchurchsecurity.net/verbal-de-escalation].
  4. Kris P. Moloney, Expert Resources, The Sheepdog Sentinel, Sheepdog Church Security Academy, January 1, 2023 to March 1, 2024 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?c=expert-resources].
  5. Kris P. Moloney, “Compassionate Church Security: Adapting Skills for Faith-Based Environments – A Guide for Experienced Professionals,” Expert Resources, The Sheepdog Sentinel, Sheepdog Church Security Academy, March 1, 2023 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/pages/security-articles?p=compassionate-church-security-adapting-skills-for-faith-based-environments-a-guide-for-experienced-professionals].
  6. Emily Guevara, “Pastor calms man during church threat,” Tyler Morning Telegraph, September 15, 2015 [https://tylerpaper.com/news/local/pastor-calms-man-during-church-threat/article_925f934b-ac87-5811-8172-47dfbdddae99.html].
  7. Staff Writer, “North Palm Beach Police” in “Police Blotter,” The Palm Beach Post, March 17, 2020 [https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/news/local/2020/03/17/north-blotter-intoxicated-man-goes-from-county-fair-to-county-jail/112248278/].
  8. Kimmy Yam, “Virginia pastor describes scene at Sunday service as an armed man entered church,” NBC News, September 26, 2023 [https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/va-pastor-describes-scene-sunday-service-armed-suspect-entered-church-rcna117448].
  9. Michael Dorgan, “Preacher doesn't flinch as activist points apparent gun at his head,” Fox News, March 15, 2025 [https://www.foxnews.com/us/preacher-doesnt-flinch-activist-points-apparent-gun-his-head].
  10. Anon, "Violence in the Workplace - Warning Signs," Canadian Centre of Occupational Health and Safety, Document last updated on October 6, 2014 (there is a later version from August 11. 2023) [https://www.ccohs.ca/oshanswers/psychosocial/violence_warning_signs.html].
  11. Silver Sentinel, “Patrol Tip: The Interview Stance,” Sentinel Handbook, May 11, 2013 [https://sentinelhandbook.wordpress.com/2013/05/11/patrol-tip-the-interview-stance/].
  12. Kris Moloney, “Deescalation Techniques Guide,” Sheepdog Church Security, © 2024 [https://sheepdog-church-security.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/deescalation-techniques-guide].